


Kiss Kiss (It's For A Good Cause!)

by seraphina_snape



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Angry Kissing, Banter, F/F, First Kiss, Friendship, Implied Relationships, Johnson the metaphysical goalie has a cameo, Kissing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-21
Updated: 2016-05-22
Packaged: 2018-06-09 01:03:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6882775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seraphina_snape/pseuds/seraphina_snape
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Jack fixed her with a stern look. "You conned me into this," he accused.</i><br/><i>"Yup."</i><br/><i>"And you're definitely going to make me regret it if I go back on my word, so really it's just easier to do what you want."</i><br/><i>"Yup."</i><br/><i>"Do you have any shame at all?"</i><br/><i>"Nope."</i> </p><p>(Or: Jack volunteers the Samwell Men's Hockey Team to participate in a video for one of Lardo's art classes. Nobody told him it would involve kissing, or he might have thought twice about it.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Kiss Kiss (It's For A Good Cause!)

**Author's Note:**

> Someone on tumblr shared this video (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d5ci_VlRcig&feature=youtu.be) and here you go. Kissing for a good cause! 
> 
> This is technically AU since it's set somewhere near the beginning of 2015 and there is kissing. 
> 
> The first chapter is the 'real' fic; the rest of the chapters are bonus chapters about the side characters. (And wow, not even a month in this fandom and I'm writing fic. I think that's a personal record.)
> 
> (Also - first _Check, Please!_ fic! If any of my Teen Wolf peeps are seeing this and you haven't read _Check, Please!_ yet, I can highly recommend it! It's a webcomic about hockey, friendship and pies. [Go straight to the start.](http://omgcheckplease.tumblr.com/post/57705111693))

The first time Lardo mentioned it, she was pretty vague about it. Art project for her visual arts class, 60% of her grade, for a good cause. 

Jack nodded along, highlighting another paragraph in his textbook. 

"Anyway," Lardo said at the end of her (in hindsight very) vague explanation. "I could use some help from the guys for this one, bro. Are you up for it?"

Jack nodded again. "Sure," he said easily. He and the guys had helped Lardo with several arts projects over the years. It mostly involved a morning (or afternoon, or evening, or - in one particular case - an entire night) of schlepping life-sized sculptures, equipment, decorations and tools to get Lardo and her art student friends ready for whatever project or exhibition they were preparing. 

"Really?"

Jack looked up, a little puzzled. "Yeah. Anything you need."

"Good; I'm gonna hold you to that, bro." 

Lardo smiled and Jack shivered. That kind of triumphant smile on Lardo's face was never a good thing. For a fleeting moment he had the feeling that he might have just made a terrible mistake... but this was one of Lardo's art things. They would play gopher for Lardo for a day, followed by eating experimental finger foods and staring at inexplicable art pieces that everyone pretended to understand. Really, what was the worst that could happen?

#

Turned out that Jack really should have asked for more details before volunteering the hockey team to 'help' Lardo with her art project. 

Jack stared down at Lardo. "What do you mean, _kiss_?"

"What do you think it means?" Lardo shrugged. "Kiss: to touch one set of lips with another set of lips. Smooching, making out, snogging, playing tonsil hock--" 

"All right!" Jack crossed his arms in front of his chest, trying not to let Lardo's impassive yet slightly amused face get to him. "And what makes you think the Samwell Men's Hockey Team is going to--" Jack cleared his throat, swallowing against the dryness in his throat. "Um. Do that," he finished weakly. He'd been training himself to not even think the words 'teammate' and 'kiss' in the same sentence for so long now that he wasn't even sure he could say them out loud. 

"Because their captain promised me they would," Lardo said, throwing her jacket on over the back of the couch before plopping down on it, punching the cushion a few times until it was fluffed up to her satisfaction. 

Jack resolutely stayed standing, glaring down at her. 

Lardo rolled her eyes. "Look, it's for a good cause, okay? Besides, I talked to Coach Hall and Coach Murray and they said it was a good idea. You know, destroying jock stereotypes and promoting the hockey team and showing that Samwell's liberal, open-minded environment extends into all corners of the campus." She shot him a sideways glance. "I was thinking you could do it wearing your jerseys."

Jack fixed her with a stern look. "You conned me into this," he accused.

"Yup."

"And you're definitely going to make me regret it if I go back on my word, so really it's just easier to do what you want."

"Yup."

"Do you have any shame at all?"

"Nope."

Jack sighed and dropped his arms, sinking down on the couch beside her. He fished the remote out from between the cushions, brushed a few crumbs off of it and switched the TV on. There were still ten minutes before part five of the Eisenhower documentary they'd been watching would start.

"Are you gonna tell me about this project now or do we have to go in blind?" 

"The Supreme Court is voting on marriage equality soon. Jaws had the idea to make our art project into a statement. Raise awareness, promote equality. Show America that bigotry and small-mindedness is not the future by making the next generation take a stand. Samwell is known for being a pro LGBTQIA+ college anyway, so the professor approved the idea right away." Lardo snorted. "Hell, approved is too weak a word for it; she _loved_ the idea. She's working on getting the faculty to pair up for the video, too."

"Jaws?" 

"Tall guy, wears a mohawk that looks like a shark fin."

"Ah." 

They sat in silence for a moment, Lardo unashamedly watching him while Jack stared at the TV. 

"It's a video to highlight the fact that gay marriage has no impact whatsoever on straight people's lives. Apart from, you know, having to call somebody's spouse their husband or wife instead of using ridiculous euphemisms like 'special friend' because they're uncomfortable with their own prejudices." She propped her feet up on the coffee table and knocked her shoulder into Jack's. "The point is to have gay people and straight people and people who don't know what the hell they are, all kissing for our cameras. When the end result is done it's gonna be hundreds of kisses and nobody is going to be able to tell if that's two straight dudes kissing, or a bi girl and a lesbian, or a two straight girls, or two gay guys." She shrugged. "We're still arguing over the text and the captions. Anchor wants to be totally bland and add a simple 'equality for all' caption, but that's probably too boring. Josey wants to be funny and make it a game of 'can you spot the gay ones destroying your marriage', but I don't know."

"I like the equality one," Jack said, ignoring Lardo's muttered 'you _would_ '. "Maybe you should leave it without commentary and let people figure out what it means by themselves."

"Any homophobic dickbags who are against marriage equality aren't gonna watch ten minutes of gay couples making out if we just post it like that. You need a hook."

Jack raised his eyebrows at her. "Yes, because homophobic dickbags are much more likely to watch ten minutes of possibly straight same-sex couples make out?"

Lardo groaned. "I hate it when you make sense."

Jack grinned. "Always happy to help."

"Speaking of which, am I gonna be able to count on you and the team? Or are you going to freak?"

"You cleared it with the coaches?"

Lardo nodded. 

"And it's for a good cause?"

Lardo kept nodding.

Jack sighed. "I guess I don't have much of a choice."

"Damn right you don't. 'Anything you need.' Those were your exact words and I was prepared to have Ransom and Holster hold you down while I fed you my bà's bun bo as punishment for backing out, dude." She glanced at the TV and grabbed the remote to turn the sound up. "Now shut up, it's starting."

Jack sat back and stared at the TV, feeling a bit like he'd dodged one bullet in favor of another. That soup Lardo's grandmother made was _seriously_ spicy - Jack had always thought he was okay with spicy food, and then he'd met Lardo's mother who'd passed around some of the soup her mother-in-law had made and... well. It hadn't been a proud evening for the Samwell Men's Hockey Team. But going on camera to kiss a teammate? 

Jack took a deep breath and told himself it was fine. It wasn't like he would be the only one. 

#

Jack solved the problem of how to tell the team by whining at Coach Hall until he took pity on Jack and announced it to the team himself. Most of the guys were carefully neutral in their reaction, but Jack saw Rans and Holster high five before tackling Bitty in a three-way hug while Shitty laughed and cheered them on. Chowder looked excited, but the kid looked excited about everything from meatball surprise in the commons to the fact that their old TV at the Haus was still working. 

"Wow," Chowder said after practice that day, "this campus sure is different. The whole hockey team! Kissing! Wow."

"Not just the hockey team. And it's for a good cause," Jack said. "And it'll help Lardo."

Chowder nodded. "I think it's a great idea. We should - oh, wait. Do they pair us up, or do we do that ourselves? Who do I kiss?" He chewed his lip for a moment, looking pensive, so Jack sat down and slipped his feet into his shoes. 

"Who are you gonna kiss, Jack?"

Jack kept his eyes focused on his shoes, like he need to maintain eye contact in case he spontaneously forgot how to tied his shoelaces. It was better than the alternative: looking up to see everyone watching him with interest. 

"Don't know, Chow," Jack said casually, switching to his other shoe. "I haven't thought about it, but probably Shitty. Unless he has other plans." He did glance up now, zeroing in on Shitty. 

Shitty grinned and pushed past some of the frogs to sit down next to Jack. He slung his arm around Jack's middle and dragged him up into a hug. "I knew you liked me best, bro!"

Jack snorted. "I think I'm changing my mind. Ransom, do you want to--"

"DIBS!" Holster yelled from the showers. "No way anyone but me gets to smooch Ransom!"

"Love you, too, bro!" Ransom yelled back. 

"Guess you're stuck with me," Shitty said, squeezing Jack one last time before letting go. 

Jack finished tying his shoe and sat up. Shitty bumped his shoulder into Jack's, eyebrows slightly raised. 

Jack shook his head. "I'm fine," he said under his breath. 

"Okay," Shitty replied just as quietly.

#

Two weeks later, the Samwell Men's Hockey Team was part of the crowd waiting in the lobby of the art building. Among the crowd, several groups of people in team jerseys for various sports were huddled together and the general atmosphere was happy and positive. A few people here and there looked a little nervous or uncomfortable, but Lardo and her project members would have more than enough material for their video. 

"Where is he?"

Bitty whipped out his cell phone and started typing, ignoring the pat on the back from Holster and Ransom's consoling "I'm sure he'll be here any second."

"He's going to be late," Bitty said. "That boy always late," he added, sounding every inch the disapproving father. 

The door ahead of them opened and a tall girl in a floor-length dress and purple hair poked her head out. "Next eight are up!"

"That's us," Shitty said. "Bitty, maybe you can wait here for a bit longer and come in with the next group. They'll edit the clips anyway."

"Or we could all wait," Jack added.

Bitty shook his head. "No, go ahead. I'll wait for Cho--"

"I'm here!" Chowder half crashed into Jack's back. "Sorry! Shit! Jack, I'm sorry, did I hurt you?" He gasped a little and took a few deep breaths. "Sorry, Farmer wanted a good luck kiss and then I got a text from--"

"Are you guys coming in or what?" The purple-haired girl interrupted. 

"Yeah, sure," Shitty said, herding Ransom, Holster, Nursey and Dex through the door. Bitty followed them and Jack grabbed Chowder by the shoulder and dragged him in after them. 

The door led to a short hallway with five doors. Four of them were numbered and the fifth door stood wide open, leading to a hallway that ended in a t-section. 

The purple-haired girl pointed at the open door. "When you're done, exit's at the end of the hallway and right. That way you won't have to fight back through the crowd to the main entrance." She opened room #3. "Pick a room and let's get started."

Jack took a step towards Shitty when Chowder jumped between them. "No! But that's what I was going to tell you! Johnson texted me - you know, Johnson? He was the goalie before me? I think. At least that's what he said."

"Johnson texted you?" Shitty asked. "He texted _you_."

Jack frowned. "Why?"

Chowder shrugged. "I don't know. He said Lardo gave him my number. He texted me and said he was the goalie before me, which, um, you knew of course, sorry! And then he said that I should be the one to kiss Shitty because, um, let me get this right. Because he's not saying anything _would_ happen, but we shouldn't risk derailing the narrative at this point." Chowder nodded, clearly proud that he'd remembered. "I'm not sure what he meant by all that, but he said it was important. And he wanted me to tell him what it's like to kiss a guy with a moustache."

"Yo, what's the holdup?" Lardo poked her head out of room #2 and rolled her eyes when she saw them. "I should've known."

"Right. You heard the man." Shitty clapped Jack on the back and then pointed at Chowder. "You're with me, kiddo!"

Chowder sent Jack a look that was hard to interpret and followed Shitty into room #4. Dex and Nursey looked at each other and then went into room #3. Ransom and Holster headed to room #1 and jostled each other's shoulders to be the first through the doorway.

Lardo opened her door a bit wider. "Guess you two are with me."

"Guess so." 

Bitty sounded strange, so Jack risked a short look. He looked like he had before their first game together. Excited, but so nervous that he might vomit at any moment. 

Jack could relate.

The day after Coach Hall had announced the team's participation in the video, Chowder had asked Bitty to be his kissing buddy. Jack had successfully avoided thinking about it - had, in fact, avoided thinking about who Bitty was going to kiss from the moment Lardo had first mentioned it to him. There was only one person he wanted Bitty to kiss, but at the same time there was absolutely no way he would ever ask him. Shitty was nice and safe; he was Jack's best friend, the one who knew his secrets and had never breathed a word to anyone. Kissing Bitty would shatter the lock on his secrets and throw the doors wide open unless he kept a tight rein on himself.

Jack squared his shoulders. "Come on, Bittle. Let's do this."

"Right," Bitty said, following him into the room. 

It was a small office turned into a temporary film studio, its desk pushed to one side to clear up a white wall. A rainbow flag was pinned to it, creating the backdrop for the couples. 

"It's a little cramped," Lardo said, "but this was the best location to do it, considering the amount of people who volunteered. You two need to stand on the mark."

Jack looked down and saw an X on the floor in black masking tape. He joined Bitty on the spot and looked to Lardo for instructions. 

"We only need a few seconds of footage, really, so just go for it any time after I give you the go ahead. Any kind of kiss is fine, really. I've had all kinds this morning. One lesbian couple ended up French kissing for seven minutes. A couple of guys did small pecks on the cheek. Anything goes, really, as long as it's a kiss. And then you're done. Ready?"

Jack nodded and glanced down at Bitty. He looked a little pale, but determined. He caught Jack's eye and nodded once, smiling a little. Jack returned the smile, hoping it didn't look too much like his usual 'interview smile' that running cameras seemed to bring out in him. 

"Okay, go ahead," Lardo said. "Any time you're ready, guys."

Jack swallowed and bent down, pressing his lips to Bitty's. 

It was a horrible kiss. It was awkward and uncomfortable and the exact opposite of sexy. It was the kind of kiss Jack used to give his mother's aunt who came to visit once a year and pinched his cheeks and slipped his some money. She'd always smelled like cigarettes and mothballs and that was not a thought he wanted to associate with Bitty in any way. 

They pulled apart after five incredibly long and uneasy seconds and Jack watched as Bitty's tried and failed to keep his face impassive. The disappointment in Bitty's eyes matched the sinking feeling in Jack's own heart. This wasn't what he wanted. This was why he'd wanted to kiss Shitty if he had to kiss a teammate. 

Exchanging an awkward and terrible kiss with Shitty would have been fine with Jack. But Bitty? Bitty who was like a bolt of lightning on the ice, fast and unpredictable, who baked pies with enough butter to defy any diet plan and who always tried to take care of everyone? 

Kissing Bitty should be nice and beautiful and leave him wanting more. Not remind him of a great-aunt he barely knew. 

Kissing Bitty was something that Jack only allowed himself to think about late at night, with two closed doors and a hallway separating them. But here they were, after exchanging possibly the worst kiss in the history of ever, and Jack didn't want _that_ to be what he remembered every time he thought about kissing Bitty. And on the off-chance that Bitty occasionally thought about kissing Jack, he really owed it to Bitty and to himself to do better than Great-Aunt Margot.

It was that thought that made Jack reach out and grab Bitty's wrist as Bitty turned away to leave. He gave it a quick tug and Bitty, off balance because he hadn't been prepared for the move, stumbled into Jack's chest. 

One hand firmly around Bitty's waist, Jack licked his lips and used his other hand to tilt Bitty's head up. Smiling softly, he looked into Bitty's big brown eyes and lowered his head, pressing their lips together for a second time that day. 

Bitty made a surprised sound, tensing for a second before he relaxed into Jack's embrace and into the kiss. 

Jack slid his hand along Bitty's jaw and to the back of his neck, his thumb stroking over Bitty's hairline, rasping through the short hair at the back of his head. The contrast between Bitty's soft skin and the coarse hair felt so amazing that Jack moaned a little, quietly. He opened his mouth and his tongue darted out to lick along Bitty's lips. 

Bitty opened his mouth under Jack's and moaned. The sound went straight to Jack's dick and he pressed closer, huffing when Bitty pulled back a little to free his arm that was curled up against Jack's chest, trapped between them. He managed to tug it free and wrapped it tightly around Jack's back. 

For a while, the only thing that existed for Jack was Bitty. The hot slide of Bitty's tongue against his, the sharp nip of Bitty's teeth as he nibbled at Jack's bottom lip, Bitty's firm body wrapped around his, and his warm skin under Jack's fingertips. He rocked his hips forward, just a little, and was rewarded with another moan, low and needy and absolutely perfect. 

They broke apart after a pointed cough from Lardo, both breathing a little hard. Bitty's eyes were so dark they looked almost black, and the pale skin on the lower half of his face was slightly irritated and red from Jack's stubble. Bitty looked a little stunned, like he wasn't sure what to do with himself after that kiss. 

Jack wasn't so sure himself. He felt relaxed and happy, but as soon as he stepped out of this room, he'd have to start thinking again. About the future, the team, his parents, his career, his past--

Lardo cleared her throat and shook Jack out of his thoughts. He dropped Bitty's wrist so quickly that Bitty startled and took a step back. 

Jack blushed. He could almost hear Shitty's mocking voice in his head. _Smooth, Zimmermann. So smooooth._ His gaze flickered from Bitty to Lardo and back again. Bitty was cradling his wrist, the one Jack had held before, looking pensive. Jack turned to Lardo. 

"I, uh--you can edit this, right? That's not going to be, uh..."

Lardo nodded. "I've got your back, bro."

"Thanks." He sighed in relief and turned back to Bitty. "So, um. I think we should. Talk?"

Bitty blinked up at him, face blank. "Okay."

Jack frowned, stopping himself from fidgeting. Bitty's non-reaction was a little worrying, and suddenly Jack's head was full of echoes. Shitty, lecturing a couple of frogs that not saying no didn't automatically mean yes. Lardo, telling a story about a guy who had corner and tried to kiss her at a party and ended up walking a little funny for the rest of the evening. He hadn't even asked for consent and hadn't, in fact, paused long enough for Bitty to react. If Shitty heard about this...

"Sorry," Jack blurted out, because apologizing was the least he could do. "I didn't--If I made you uncomfortable, I can understand why you don't... I'm gonna go."

"No!" Bitty took two steps and blocked his way. "I mean, you didn't. Make me uncomfortable. I'm just... a little overwhelmed, maybe? I just--I don't think I was prepared for this." He looked at Jack, a mix of hope and determination on his face. "You kissed me."

"Yes." Jack could feel it in the pit of his stomach, that same kind of hope. The feelings he'd only ever allowed himself to feel when he needed a boost of happiness. When he'd set aside reality and just wonder what if-- What if he was brave enough to kiss Bitty? To tell him how much he meant to Jack? What if he was brave enough to stand by Bitty, to look any recruiter in the eye and say, _this is who I am_? 

"You kissed me," Bitty repeated. "For real." 

It sounded like a question even though Jack was sure it wasn't supposed to be one. So he smiled and answered it anyway. "Yes."

Bitty's smile was blinding, and Jack's fingers itched to reach out and touch him. Pull him back in and kiss him again. Kiss him so many times that it lost its novelty -- Jack was sure it would take a _lot_ of kisses for that to happen though. 

"This is heartwarming, bros, really, and I support you 110%," Lardo drawled, "but I still have a project to work on and you're holding up the line." Smiling, she shooed them out of the room and called "Next!" in her sharpest doctor's assistant voice. 

Jack and Bitty exchanged a look and burst out laughing, heading towards the exit. 

"So," Bitty said when they had calmed down a little. "I guess we should talk. About this." Bitty pressed his lips together and then blurted, "And kissing! We should definitely do some more of that, too."

Jack huffed out a laugh at the sight of Bitty's small, embarrassed wince, but he agreed wholeheartedly. "Yeah, we should definitely talk about all of this." He smiled, bumping his arm into Bitty's. "I'm in favor of more kissing as well."

"Oh, shut up," Bitty grumbled. 

Their fingers brushed together. Jack took a quick look around, but the hallway was empty, so he grabbed Bitty's hand and tangled their fingers together. "I've wanted to do this since the first time I watched you bake a pie."

"What? Hold my hand?"

"Don't sound so surprised," Jack said, squeezing Bitty's hand. "You have nice hands."

"Thanks. You have nice -- everything, really." Bitty squeezed his eyes shut for a moment. "Sorry, I'm terrible at this. I have no idea what I'm doing and I'm so afraid I'll say the wrong thing and then you--"

"I like you, Bitty," Jack interrupted. "I mean, I really _like_ you, and there isn't a lot you could say that would make me stop liking you. I don't think I know how to stop; I've tried and I still can't get you out of my head."

"I like you, too." 

Casting another quick look around, Jack dropped a soft kiss on Bitty's lips, and then another, and another, because the way Bitty melted into his side - his hand curled in the fabric of Jack's jersey, his lips soft on Jack's - was something Jack would never get tired of. 

Somewhere down the corridor a door opened and they pulled apart, reluctantly putting some distance between them. They found the exit and made their way across the quad.

Jack didn't know what the future would bring. He knew he wanted his future to include Bitty, but up until very recently he hadn't seriously considered that it might be possible to have a career _and_ Bitty. But here he was, walking towards exactly that future, his hand brushing against Bitty's with every step. He wanted Bitty - and he wanted that career. He didn't know how yet, but he was confident that he and Bitty could figure it out. 

One thing Jack knew for sure though: the walk to the Haus had never seemed so long before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so the timeline doesn't quite line up. The supreme court decision was announced on June 26, 2015. Considering this is set a few months before Jack's graduation (or thereabouts, maybe a little after Jack’s stealth-dating campaign started), Lardo's comment that there's gonna be a decision _soon_ is obviously not correct. But are you really going to argue timelines when you've just read some first kiss (fic with added bonus kissing snippets?) ...I thought not.
> 
> Bun bo = spicy soup. Probably not extremely super spicy _in general_ , but my friend Ngoc's grandmother used to make a version that could burn off the first few layers of skin inside your mouth. (ofc I'm a total wimp regarding spicy food, so what do I know?)


	2. Bonus 1: Shitty & Chowder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You didn't think I'd leave you hanging about how the rest of the guys fared with their kissing buddies, did you? *g*

"Look, kid, how do you want to do this?"

Chowder shrugged. "I don't know? What would you have done with Jack?"

"Probably just grabbed him and planted one on him."

"That's fine," Chowder said. "We can just... kiss? Like, normally?"

"Sure."

"Just stand on the mark over there," a voice said behind them. A heavyset girl with a spiraling tattoo on her neck stood behind the camera, pointing to a corner decorated with a large rainbow flag. 

"Cool," Shitty said.

Chowder stood on the spot like an excited puppy, eager to show off his tricks. Shitty followed a little more sedately.

They met halfway and kept the kiss chaste, just some nice, firm pressure for a respectable amount of time. Until Chowder pulled away, giggling and rubbing his upper lip.

"Your moustache. It's so weird. I'm gonna have to tell Johnson he'll have to experience it for himself because it's impossible to describe. Like, ticklish and a little rough, but also kinda soft and fluffy?"

"Uh-huh," Shitty said. He looked at tattoo girl. "You got what you need?"

She nodded. 

"Come on, Chowder, let's see where the others are."

Chowder followed him out of the room, still babbling about Shitty's moustache.


	3. Bonus 2: Ransom & Holster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's some _Princess Bride_ quoting going on here.

Holster entered the room first, his shoulder aching a little where it had slammed into the doorway after his and Ransom's impromptu little checking practice. 

"Jaws!" Holster greeted, extending his hand for a quick fist bump. "I hope you are prepared for this."

"Yeah, man," Ransom said, extending his own hand. "Because we're going to hit it outta the park."

Jaws nodded, his mohawk wobbling a little. "Just," he waved a hand at the cleared space against the far side of the small office they were in. "Stand on the X and kiss."

"Just stand on the X," Ransom repeated, snorting.

"Just kiss," Holster added. "Obviously you're not used to the high quality content we bring to every situation."

"Hockey games," Ransom said.

"Keggers," Holster added. 

"Kissing videos."

Holster nodded. "Exactly. So watch this."

" _Since the invention of the kiss there have been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure,_ " Ransom intoned. "But this one will leave them all behind, so watch closely."

He grabbed Holster around the waist and stepped a little closer, leaning in to kiss Holster. 

"Hold on," Holster said, holding up a hand between them. "Am I Buttercup in this scenario? Did you cast me as Buttercup in your head, bro?" 

"Dude," Ransom said, his tone suggesting that it Holster was _obviously_ Buttercup. "You're the blond one!" 

"But I'm taller than you!" Holster protested, ignoring Ransom's muttered "that's mostly hair". "I feel like I should be the one to bend over you and ravish you."

Ransom shrugged. "Does it matter? Besides, the princess is blond. You're blond. Ergo, you're the princess." 

He leaned in again, his eyes falling closed, when Holster suddenly straightened up. "Wait a second, Westley was fucking blond, bro! And have you ever heard of a Canadian pirate?" He poked his finger into Ransom's chest. " _Excuse me, I'm so sorry to interrupt, but I'm here to pillage and loot, so if you wouldn't mind...,_ " he said in the worst fake Canadian accent since Hugh Jackman in X-Men. 

"Funny," Ransom said. "Really, I'm laughing on the inside. I can barely contain myself. But let me show you how polite Canadians can NOT be, asshole, because stereotypes are not your friend."

"Um, guys. The video?" Jaws pointed to his camera set up. "Can't you just kiss?" 

Holster and Ransom exchanged a look, then Holster sighed. Deeply. 

"Okay. Fine. So I'll be Buttercup for this kiss." He waved at Ransom to come closer and then wrapped his arms around his shoulders. "Put your back into it, bro." Leaning a little closer, he whispered, "but we _are_ fighting about this later." 

"Yeah, man. Don't we always?" Ransom whispered back. 

Jaws cleared his throat and pointedly looked at his watch. 

Holster and Ransom exchanged another short look and Holster had to bite back a smile. Baiting people was so much fun. 

Then Ransom's lips were on his, and Holster did his best to make the kiss Buttercup-worthy. Ransom was clearly holding up his end of the bargain, expertly sliding his tongue past Holster's lips. 

Ransom tasted like cinnamon. Holster nipped at Ransom's lower lip, sharp enough to cause some pain, but he immediately followed it with a few soothing kisses before pushing his tongue back into Ransom's mouth to chase that cinnamon flavor. 

When they broke apart, Holster punched Ransom's shoulder. "Dude! Did you get cinnamon buns without me?"

"You were taking forever talking to that professor and the little cart was right around the corner." Ransom shrugged. "I only had two."

"And you couldn't buy two more for me?"

"Look, you want cinnamon buns?"

Holster nodded. 

"Fine, then let's go get some." He made an exaggerated gesture towards the door.

Holster smiled and clapped Ransom's back. "Now you're talking."

Back in room #1, Jaws logged the time and shook his head. Of course they'd fuck around storytelling for three minutes and then make out for a full five minutes. It was good for the project, having all these big jocks coming in to suck face, but why did he have to deal with the two most annoying ones? 

"Fucking hockey bros."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, I don't know what the deal is with Ransom and Holster. Are they best bros? Are they friends with benefits? Are they caught up in a tragic and beautiful love affair? Do they have an open relationship? 
> 
> (I guess it's up to you to decide.)


	4. Bonus 3: Dex & Nursey

"Just chill, man."

Dex took a deep breath and counted to ten. "Stop saying that," he bit out. 

"Seriously, man. You are way too tense for this," Nursey continued, like Dex hadn't just told him to shut up. "What, is you little Republican heart not able to take the strain?"

Dex breathed through the anger and pushed past Nursey towards the rainbow flag in the corner. "Here?" he asked the purple-haired girl who was operating the camera. She nodded. 

"A long as you're on the mark, you're good to go."

"Well?" Dex asked, arms crossed, when Nursey continued to loiter near the door, staring at the image frames hung up on the wall next to the door.

Nursey heaved a long-suffering sigh - completely unnecessary in Dex's opinion; _he_ was the put-upon one, having to deal with Derek 'Chill' Nurse - and ambled over, dragging it out just long enough to make Dex clench his teeth and ball his hands into fists.

Dex wanted nothing more than to storm out of the room and scream in frustration, but it was for a good cause. More importantly, it was for Lardo, and she could be _scary_. He needed to make more friends on the team, so that the next time there was a kissing video starring pretty much all of Samwell, he wouldn't get stuck with Nursey. Not that he necessarily expected having to do anything like this ever again, but since joining the Samwell Men's Hockey Team his life had taken on a 'nothing is impossible' quality, and he'd rather be prepared next time.

"Well." Nursey finally took the last step onto the edge of the large X on the floor. His lips lifted in a lazy smile that left Dex flushed and infuriated. "Are we gonna--"

Dex couldn't take one more second of listening to Nursey, but he couldn't leave without that kiss, so he reached out and grabbed Nursey by the front of his shirt to pull him closer before smashing their lips together. 

It wasn't a very refined kiss. Nursey's mouth had been half open, being interrupted mid-word, and his teeth bit into Dex's lip and then knocked against Dex's teeth. 

Nursey let out a startled gasp, an indignant little squawk at being grabbed and kissed so unceremoniously, and at any other time Dex would have laughed about it. Right now, he had to prove that his little Republican heart could definitely take the strain, and more. 

He kept one hand fisted in the shirt and slid the other one into Nursey's hair, taking hold of a fistful of that thick, dark hair. Pulling a little, he tilted Nursey head and slipped his tongue between Nursey's parted lips, tentative at first - no need to risk having his tongue bitten just to prove a point - and then bolder when Nursey didn't just allow it but started to reciprocate. 

When Dex pulled back an indeterminate amount of time later, he knew his ears were red and his face was flushed, but he took great pleasure in the fact that Nursey's eyes were a little unfocused and there was definitely a blush darkening his skin. 

Dex nodded to the purple-haired girl behind the camera and walked over to the door. Grabbing the handle, he turned back to Nursey who was still standing on the X. 

"Hey, Nursey?" he called, waiting until Nursey's dark eyes landed on him. "Chill, man."

With that, Dex stepped through the door and, smirking a little, made his way to the exit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Nursey caught up with him five minutes later and practically dragged Dex to his dorm. They weren't seen for the rest of the day.)


	5. Extra Bonus 4: Farmer and April

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because girls need love, too.

"How do you think the boys are doing?"

April snorted. "I know that Ransom and Holster spent all night developing a routine. They wrote a script and everything; I think they're going to reenact Shakespeare or something. So they'll be okay." She paused, tapping her chin. "Unless they get into another fight about the casting."

"Sounds like they were excited." Farmer smiled. "Chris was really excited."

"I'm not surprised. He gets excited about cereal, Caitlin."

Farmer's smile dropped. "Don't be mean."

"I'm not! I like Chow, really. He's not a douche, and he gets that game schedules and training cut into personal time." She shrugged. "It's cute, the way he gets excited about everything."

"I know! He's--"

"NEXT!"

"Oh, that's us!" Farmer followed April into a short hallway, some of the other Samwell Women's Volleyball Team members crowding in behind them. They split up into pairs. 

Room #3 was occupied by a purple-haired girl in a long skirt. She waved them towards the rainbow flag taped to one wall. "Just stand on the X, girls."

Farmer grinned down at April, holding out her hand. "Shall we?"

April nodded. "Let's do this."

It was a little awkward for Farmer at first, kissing a straight team member, but April smelled like a mix of coconut and strawberry and she was warm and soft where their bodies pressed together. She ran her hand through April's shiny, smooth hair and then slowly pulled back. 

The moment their eyes met, they started giggling. 

"I'm so glad you didn't wear lipstick," Farmer said once they'd calmed down a little and said goodbye to the purple-haired girl. "I hate the taste of it. Even the ones that are supposed to taste like strawberry or melon or chocolate just taste like chemicals."

"Hm," April said. "Make that a point on my list of things I've never thought about before. None of the guys I've gone out with ever wore lipstick." She raised an eyebrow. "Well, Holster might, but that boy would do just about anything if anyone dared him to do it, especially Ransom."

Farmer laughed and linked her arm with April's. "Come on, let's find the guys!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ransom and March are sort of a thing, right? So I'm guessing Holster and April could be sort of a thing, too.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! ♥ I hope you liked it!
> 
> (PS: Any of my TW subscribers: I know I haven't posted any TW fic this year yet, but I do have ~~one~~ ~~two~~ (maybe) two fics that are _nearly_ finished, so hang in there. ♥)


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